Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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