I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
