I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
