The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
