I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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