yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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