Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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