He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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