he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
