guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
