She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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