Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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