i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
