Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
