Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
