I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
