I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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