Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
