I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
