Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
