So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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