I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize