I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
