Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They took my balls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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