just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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