there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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