I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
