DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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