I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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