He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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