Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just forgot I was standing up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
