Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
