Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize