No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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