Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
