Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
