i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
