Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
