No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize