i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
