Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
