good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
