Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
