You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is Oprah even human
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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