If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
