Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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