watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
