she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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