Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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