Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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