How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
3pm strippers are depressing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
