Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
