we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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