new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
