after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That accounts for only three of the penises
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
