There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
