they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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