sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
