You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
